Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
