my phone needs a breathalizer
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
