I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
