That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
