I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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