Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize