Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
