I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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