I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
