someone threw a dead crab at me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
