I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
