The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize