just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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