So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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