I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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