So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
