is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
