I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
