i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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