I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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