batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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