Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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