WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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