My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
