you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
