Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
