i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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