piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
