I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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