we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
