so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
is that a dick in a sweater?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
