two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need a beard to bite.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
