I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
