We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
