so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
