New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
