you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
