I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
