defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
