Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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