I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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