i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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