i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
