she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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