You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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