guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
