HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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