i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
