no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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