Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
