Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
