nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
