The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
