What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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