): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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