Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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