I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
