Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
