She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
