can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
