Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
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