You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
