I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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