he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
