Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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