He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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