I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
