Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
