My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
