This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
