I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
